Laughter brings people together, and these Clean Jokes and Funny Short Stories are perfect for sharing with family and friends. Whether you need a quick laugh or a humorous tale, this collection will put a smile on your face.
1. The Fishing Trip
A man calls his boss and says, “I can’t come to work today, I’m really sick.” The boss, suspicious, replies, “You’re always sick on Mondays!” The man quickly answers, “Well, it’s the fish—they’re biting every weekend!”
2. The Parrot and the Thief
A burglar sneaks into a house late at night. As he tiptoed through the living room, he heard a voice say, “Jesus is watching you.” Startled, he spins around but only sees a parrot. “Who said that?” the burglar whispers.
The parrot replies, “I did. My name is Moses.”
The burglar laughs, “What kind of people name a parrot Moses?”
The parrot answers, “The same kind that name their Rottweiler Jesus.”
3. The Genius Barber
A young boy walks into a barber shop. The barber, smiling, whispers to his customer, “Watch this—this is the dumbest kid in the world.” The barber holds a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then asks the boy, “Which do you want?” The boy takes the quarters and walks out.
The barber laughs, “See? Told you.”
Later, the customer sees the boy buying an ice cream and asks, “Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar?”
The boy grins, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over!”
4. The Library Elephant
A man walks into a library and asks, “Excuse me, can I borrow a book on how to train an elephant?”
The librarian replies, “Sure, but please bring it back with a trunk full of knowledge!”
5. The Forgetful Wife
A husband says to his wife, “You’re getting so forgetful these days! Yesterday, you left the car running all night!”
The wife, unfazed, replies, “Well, at least it wasn’t stolen.”
The husband rolls his eyes and says, “No, but now we’ve got an extra 500 miles on the odometer!”
6. The Farmer’s Problem
A farmer was driving down the road with a pig in the back of his truck. A police officer pulled him over and asked, “What are you doing with that pig?”
The farmer said, “I’m taking him to the zoo.”
The next day, the officer sees the same farmer with the same pig in the truck. He pulls him over again and asks, “Didn’t you take that pig to the zoo?”
The farmer replies, “I did, and today I’m taking him to the movies!”
7. Knock Knock!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it’s freezing out here!
8. The Clever Dog
A dog walks into a butcher shop. The butcher looks at the dog and asks, “What do you want?” The dog points to some steak. “How many pounds?” asks the butcher. The dog barks twice. The amazed butcher wraps up two pounds of steak and gives it to the dog, who runs out the door.
The next day, the dog returns. Again, the butcher asks, “What do you want?” The dog points at the steak. “How many pounds?” The dog barks three times, so the butcher wraps three pounds of steak.
The butcher decides to follow the dog, curious about where he’s taking the steak. The dog goes to a house, knocks on the door, and a man opens it. “Oh, it’s you again!” says the man.
The butcher, shocked, says, “Your dog is so smart!”
The man rolls his eyes and replies, “Yeah, but this is the third time this week he forgot his house key!”
9. The Classroom Test
During a math test, little Johnny kept looking at his friend’s paper. The teacher noticed and said, “Johnny, are you copying your friend’s answers?”
Johnny replied, “No, I’m just checking to see if he got the same wrong ones as me.”
10. The Talking Dog
A man goes to a talent agent with a talking dog. “My dog can talk!” he boasts. The agent, sceptical, says, “Show me.”
The man says to the dog, “What’s on top of a house?”
“Roof!”
The agent rolls his eyes. The man asks again, “Who’s the greatest baseball player?”
“Ruth!”
The agent kicks them out. Outside, the dog looks at his owner and says, “Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?”
11. The Magic Elevator
A kid and his dad visit a department store. The kid watches in awe as two old doors open, revealing a tiny room. “What’s that, Dad?”
“That’s an elevator,” his father explains.
They watch an old woman walk into the room, and a moment later, a young woman walks out. The kid turns to his dad, wide-eyed, “Can I go in next?”
12. The Forgetful Golfer
A golfer, frustrated with his performance, exclaims, “I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course!”
His caddie calmly replies, “Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.”
13. The Missing Donkey
A man was running through the market shouting, “My donkey is missing! Whoever brings him back will get a big reward!”
Someone in the crowd yelled, “You’ll find him if you close your mouth!”
14. The Traffic Cop
A man is pulled over by a traffic cop.
“Do you know why I pulled you over?” asks the officer.
The man replies, “If you forgot, how can I help you?”
15. The Farmer’s Fortune
A farmer won $1 million in the lottery. His friends asked what he was going to do with all that money.
He replied, “I reckon I’ll keep farming till it’s all gone.”
16. The Boss’s Paycheck
An employee tells his boss, “I want a raise. Three companies are after me!”
The boss asks, “Which ones?”
The employee replies, “The electric company, the water company, and the gas company.”
17. The Bad News
The doctor tells a patient, “I have good news and bad news.”
The patient asks, “What’s the good news?”
“You have 24 hours to live.”
The patient, horrified, asks, “And the bad news?”
“I should have told you yesterday!”
18. The Forgetful Professor
A professor was getting off the train, and the conductor asked, “Sir, where’s your ticket?”
The professor searched his pockets and said, “I can’t find it!”
The conductor said, “It’s okay, I know you have it.”
The professor replied, “But how will I know where I’m going?”
19. The Genie’s Wish
A man finds a magic lamp and rubs it. Out pops a genie.
The genie says, “You have one wish.”
The man says, “I wish I were rich!”
The genie replies, “Okay, Rich, what’s your second wish?”
20. The Too-Honest Child
A teacher asks her class, “If I have five apples in one hand and six in the other, what do I have?”
One student shouts, “Really big hands!”
These Clean Jokes and Funny Short Stories are perfect for light-hearted fun. They’re easy to remember and great for sharing with anyone, no matter the occasion!